Slow, I know. This is partly due to a busy schedule but also because the last couple of months have been a struggle. I guess it’s to be expected. This whole living abroad thing can’t always be easy. So starting from the start…

We had the big ‘Safari Party’ at the end of July as planned. There was a DJ, around 100 partygoers, free alcohol and a BBQ. A good recipe for fun. We spent the day decorating and by the time the party started the bar looked great. There were definitely good moments and I think most people enjoyed themselves. The guests were a mixed bunch as there were 6 of us organising it. We sent out a cool evite where people could post messages on the site. One guy actually posted “Can I come dressed as a big black nigger”. I know it was a joke and he was just trying to be funny. I guess because the other 5 people only have white, middle class friends they didn’t get that it might be offensive to other people. I politely asked for the post to be removed and now I’m sure I’ve got the rep of being an uptight difficult foreigner. But honestly, on which planet is that acceptable??

In August there was a string of BBQs and circle parties to celebrate the summer that never came.

Work was relaxed as almost everyone was on holiday. Jarno’s sister (Laura) left for Canada to live with her boyfriend at the end of August. We had a nice farewell dinner at our place. His parents are unlucky with two children in the family now in relationships with foreigners. It’s amazing seeing as they are from a small town up North. We went there to surprise his Mum on her birthday last month. When I found myself at a loose end I took a wander down the street. No less that 4 little old ladies threw their curtains open to follow my progress. When I stopped to read the old headstones at the church graveyard I ended up in a stare down with one lady. She was clutching her broom so tightly I could see the white of her knuckles from across the street. Not surprisingly she won and I scurried back to the safety of Jarno’s parents place.

What else? We’ve just finished with the Big “R”. Yep, we renovated. Thanks to two extremely hardworking, nice young polish guys we now have two new ceilings and walls and floors. They stayed with us and ate with us so it was a full house for 9 days. It was a challenge cooking for 4 but I now have an authentic Polish dish in my culinary repertoire. Maybe it’s the looming winter or the scary laws proposed by the Immigration Minister (she makes John Howard look like Jesus Christ), but the last couple of weeks have been tough. Just last Saturday I had a serious meltdown and for the first time in 2 years I thought about packing my bags and heading home.

We went to a housewarming in Haarlem to escape the junk everywhere from the ceiling. All Jarno’s friends were there. I’ve known them all for a while and they are nice. Most of them are in their early thirties and friendly. To be fair I was in a bad mood to start with. The music was quite loud and while I understand Dutch perfectly, I couldn’t follow the conversation at all. I just kind of hung around on the edges. The girls didn’t talk to me at all but that was no surprise. So I took a deep breath and chatted with some of the guys. I asked about holidays, girlfriends, children, work and yes, I even talked about the weather. Not one single person asked how I was. Actually they didn’t ask me anything at all. How much small talk can one person make without any hope of a question in return (let alone any real contact!) A half a dozen times I was even pushed out of the circle (someone steps in front of you so you’re kind of just hanging there and have to crash into a new circle). And the topics were predictably along the lines of “Moroccans are a problem, but I’m not racist” and “If it ain’t Dutch, it ain’t much”. After a couple of hours I was consumed by unabashed self-pity. At around 11 I poured myself a very large glass of wine and snuck out to the roof terrace. And there I sat for the next 2 hours pondering the whole situation. I never expected that moving country meant completely changing my ‘party personality’.

How did I change from giving life to a party to sitting by myself outside like a weirdo? Why can’t I crack it with these people? I’ve tried trying and I’ve tried not trying, I’ve tried being myself and I’ve tried being Dutch, I’ve tried everything under the sun and I swear nothing works. I never get past the surface. Are they made of stone? Or was I always a social leper and never noticed? Maybe I’ll never know but I refuse to give up, as always the relentless optimist…

It’s not ALL bad though. I have my own really nice bunch of friends. They’re warm, fun and are my makeshift family here. I think I’ve seen every art gallery and museum in Utrecht and had coffee in every cafe (that’s a big accomplishment). I’m also back to tennis, yoga and dance class now that the summer is over. Katja had four adorable kittens. Unfortunately Jarno found homes for all 4 of them in a record time. My parents arrive in two weeks and Christmas is just around the corner. We’re off to Paris in October and Rome in November so there is lots to look forward to. Keep the emails coming…